A friend once said, “They call it the meantime for a reason…”
She was not referring to mean as meaning equivalency or purpose, but rather mean as in vicious and foul. And yes, enduring the decline in my mother’s health has been unpleasant. The knowing the end is coming but not knowing when or how is difficult. Yet, wishing for its end means only one thing.
Untreated Acute Leukemia does not go away on its own. Continue reading
As a daily practice, at the start of my workday, I take a sticky note and write ‘ODAT’ across the top, ‘TMI’ down the left. No, not ‘Too Much Information’… ‘Three Most Important’ (TMI) and ‘One Day At a Time’ (ODAT).
One Day at a Time, is a platitude but it’s worth attention. ‘The Now’ is all there is. Dogs have this figured out. The past only exists in memory and the future doesn’t exist at all- the unchangeable past and unknowable future. And so, what to do with this right now? Allow anger at past injustice eat me alive and ruin today? Or fear of the future, the what-ifs of anticipated trouble?
Sometimes, they are almost impossible to escape. But the good or bad news is, healing happens in its time, not our time. We must accept what is true today. Continue reading
I am new to remote work. I have resisted it for years, even though I am an IT professional and could contract my services. But I never wanted my work stress to interfere with my home stress. Those two stresses always and forever needed to remain apart, simply so that I had one place to escape from the other. I know you working professionals understand.
My ‘worst fears’ have been confirmed- I feel the same stress in my home office as I do in my work cube. But this 2nd floor home office with a view and comfy chair is not my home. I am at a remote location in Illinois, staying with my generous sister. I have two rooms dedicated to my needs- a bedroom and a connected office with a table and a washer/dryer. I have my laptop, docking station, wireless internet, keyboard and mouse, and a large standalone monitor- every writers dream! Continue reading
My mother has Acute Leukemia and is nearing the end of her life. She now receives platelet transfusions about twice a week because her blood platelet count is constantly less than 15. The minimum normal platelet count is 133.
I live in Minnesota and she lives in Illinois. I am one of the lucky ones. I have a job I can work remotely and some paid FMLA leave to care for her during this time. When I left Minnesota, I was healthy. At the time, my community had low COVID-19 infection rates per capita.
I drove straight though, taking a record 6.5 hours to travel the 430 miles. I stopped only for gasoline and bathrooms in small town Iowa, avoiding truck stops. I used paper towels on the pumps and my sweater sleeve wrapped hand inside the gas stations. Continue reading
I know people are bored with staying home in the wake of COVID-19. I know people are rightfully concerned about employment, bills, money, the economy. As I walk the grocery aisles, many are clearly too afraid and others not afraid enough. But in the midst of this pandemic, I am also preparing for the end of life care of my mother, who has acute leukemia.
‘Asymptomatic’ is what scares me. Continue reading
I bought a condo.
I didn’t expect to until summer but on February 28, 2020, my partner and I sat in Sotheby’s International Realty office and signed a whole stack of papers allowing me to become a homeowner for the first time in my life. He’s old hat. They gave us a gift box with two Tiffany crystal wine glasses, a gold coin to get a bottle out of the champagne vending machine, and most importantly, a set of shining silver keys to the doors of our new home.
It is not lost on me that I moved into my current apartment in the wake of steep tragedy and I will move out of my apartment in the weight of impending tragedy. Continue reading
2020 will be one of the most difficult years of my life.
And whenever you postulate on future events, there is always someone in the crowd with the need to say, “You don’t know that.” I think maybe they like being contrary or are often wrong or are interested in what they might consider to be a safe bet on telling you later, “I told you so!”
But I do know, so shut up, and let me speak.
What I wanted for Christmas in the past was my own home, with my own tree, and my own children. I wanted my spouse. I wanted our life and traditions together. But like many, the American Dream of hearth and home passed me by. I never married therefore never divorced but had 15 years solid of long-term relationships before 10 years of single life. I spent many years single at Christmas.
And what I wanted for Christmas as a single professional was time off. Real time off and peace. To get away from the daily grind and get some real writing done. I wanted resolution of personal tragedy, release from all the hangs on and drags on, from regret. I wanted a solid plan for the challenges of the coming new year. What is Christmas about if not hope in the midst of darkest night? Continue reading
It’s OK to serve pre-prepped bake in the bag frozen turkey this Thanksgiving.
I am talking to the cooks now. If you have never run the gauntlet that is cooking Thanksgiving dinner or if stove top stuffing with brown and serve sausage is your heirloom family recipe, you can skip the rest of this blog post.
But if you really cook…
If you would prefer a fresh turkey from the butcher (if you could afford it)…
If you intentionally buy overlarge birds specifically for leftovers…
If you inject or marinate or brine your turkey with a concoction of your own special design… Continue reading
I hit a deer.
I drive a 2013 Chevy Spark that is about the size of a postage stamp named Lorraine. On Sunday she was in great shape! As of Monday night, Lorraine had about $3,500 in damage- nearly the total value of the car.
November travel in the mid-west can be treacherous. It brings the official switch in weather, the harbinger of winter, and it’s mating season for deer. In fact, national auto insurance statistics place Wisconsin (#4), Iowa (#5), and Minnesota (#7) in the top 10 in the nation of likelihood for collision with deer.
Mom is in Illinois and I am in Minnesota. Any route I choose must go through Wisconsin or Iowa. Continue reading
Working Schlub 