Loneliness

You never understood fear of being alone
Having been alone most of your life

People ask, “Are you lonely?”
of course, but what of that?

“Better to be alone than in bad company”
You know how bad company can get

Still, who knows your story?
Who can sit with a bottle of wine

Remember when? Your journals
Writing is a cast of the hole dug into you

 

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, December 2017

Your Eyes, My Breath

You seem surprised
Full of surprises
Words ring
Truth always does

You can feel
Space there
Full of what remains
Unspoken

But keep guessing
Work to figure it out
Wrong, wrong again
So well hidden

Impossible to read
Hiding in plain sight
Many, many stories
Tried to dismiss

There traces
They call you
Draw you in
Come here

Stop staring
Stop hiding
Come here
God damn it!

No? No more women for you?
No more loving, laughter
Hot filthy sex to anger
Neighbors with its volume?

No expectations
Only wishes
We can keep going
Until one of us is dead

Summer approaches
Sheet of white cloud
Strain an impossible sky
Drench the earth

I want
I need
More than anything
To love you



-Copyright C.M. Mounts, April 2017

Scars

I can see others
Get through
They laugh
They have love

If I try hard enough
Hold out long enough
Walk over enough coals
To the other side

This will get better
But in the midst of hell
You have only one desire
And that is to get out of it

Douse the heat with tears
Or alcohol (flammable)
You can step off for a moment
Until the ground shifts

You can’t stand standing
In narrow strips between pits
There is a door on the other side
People seem to make it out

But not everyone.
Some lay down
Some go back
Some stand, perpetual

 

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, January 2018

Summer’s End

I can’t really remember
What I have been doing
These past months, years

Maybe it is a mercy
Maybe it is survival
Maybe it is the only way

To get through it
To the other side
To the down time

I guess we all have the option
To not get involved
Close the door, turn on the TV

Shut it out, shut it down, shut it off
20 + 20 + 20 is an hour
To focus that long isn’t that hard

Run ink tracks through the page
Ride rubber into the sunrise
Coffee fueled, driven, driven mad

Long nights, sit in summer
Meditative rhythm of the respirator
Company of paper and sterile gauze

Passersby issue the hairy eyeball
Jaded nurses yearn for retirement
She walks now, I run

If I could get on my bike
Turn back time
No one would see me til September

 

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, August 2017

Breaker

Under the surface
Under the film, foam
Is the sea washing rocks
Wearing them away, slowly

To trace a finger along the surface
Is to invite something:
Fear, resistance, or danger
Of acceptance and desire

Those of us who
Dip our hands within
To feel the temperature
Are not sure what to do

When it is fine
Mostly without desire
To disturb the water
Our own rocks weigh heavy

Disrupt, cause undercurrents
Wish to cause no harm
Only to know, be known
But the deep end, no matter

Temptation will swallow whole
Float dead or thrash
Struggle to get out
Only to beg to get back in

Water will have changed
No buoyancy left
Cast out on the rocks
Body broken heart

 

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, June 2018

Silent Goodbyes

Walk into your home
Your back to me
Is this really my final
Memory of you, friend?

It isn’t
First time someone got
Wrong impression
It won’t be the last

But can you not see
Past the gate?
Of course you can
I struggle to think

I float home- What is this?
It’s not what I am after
But the connection is real
If unwanted by you

Two decades
Too much a gap
You will deny it
I will accept that

But as you dig in
You fall, you long
You protect
You turn, you lash

Goodbye, would-be lover.
If the distance in time
Between were shorter
Life would be different
 

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, September 2017

Ginger

Stir fry fresh onions, garlic, ginger,
Lemon peel in a little peanut oil
Die from the fragrance that
Erupts in your kitchen

It is the smell of love to me
Of friends and family
Coming to dinner at my house
They enjoy the food

I enjoy them
I want to know how they are
I want to know their plans
Their dreams, hopes, challenges

I want to feed them spicy food
That wafts out my window
Makes the neighbors jealous
I want to fill my life

Sauces and spices
Explode my head
Grand delight of living
Fasting satisfaction

 

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, June 2018