Ghost Inside

You can’t look away
What is that?
A search for bad intent
An attempt to read my thoughts
A calculation of who I am
In relation to who you are

The ghost inside is often hidden
Most people seem to wish
Their light inside would die
Or they let it die
Or allow someone else to kill it
As if that final resignation brings peace

A deaf man told me once
I am impossible to read
But the staring into the eyes
It is a little strange
You simply have my attention
There is no ill intent here

There is trauma
Moving beyond trauma
Trauma yet to breath in and breath out
To choke upon
To learn from
To lay to rest

She said, “You have a crazy look in your eyes”
I know it wasn’t there five years ago
It is not crazy
It is the ghost inside
Yes, you see me
I am no wild woman

I am an independent woman
I do not understand
Why friends, family, acquaintances
Strangers, weirdos on the patio bar
Stare into my eyes
I think, “Hi, nice to meet you. Can we talk?”

I say nothing
They shake their head
They look away
Yin and Yang
Attracted or repulsed
But rarely indifferent

-Copyright C.M. Mounts, January 2017

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